Month

December 2009

22 posts

Dec 31, 2009
Inside The McDonald's Meeting On Promos Regarding Avatar and The Big Mac

Gosh, you know what we at McDonald’s haven’t promoted lately?  The Big Mac.  Hmmm…what could we use as a tie in for an ad campaign? Hmmm….hmmm…hmmm..(drumming fingers on board room table)…hmmm…hmmm…

Got it!  How could we have been so retardo!  When you think “Big Mac”, the next logical step is to think of…THAT STUPID FUCKING BLUE PEOPLE IN ENDOR FOREST MOVIE!

Fuck yeah.  Shit is perf, son.  Ugly Ewok Smurfs is lovin it.

But what should we play the ads during?

I don’t know, football games, the real dumbshit housewives programs, fucking xtube porno, Dora the Explorer.  Who gives a fuck.  Sky’s the limit with this demo.  Fucking advertise it on James Cameron’s asshole.  Avatar and fast food sandwiches.  Suck it TWO TIMES America!

Dec 27, 20093 notes
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Dec 27, 2009
Dec 26, 2009
I'm Glad I Wasn't On THIS Flight To Detroit Today...Dice Roll → cnbc.com
Dec 26, 2009
Dec 23, 2009
New Vice Interview With Berkeley Breathed → viceland.com

Oh how I loved Bloom County.  So, so loved.

Dec 18, 20091 note
Dec 16, 20091 note
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Dec 16, 20092 notes
Dec 15, 2009
MATTs Radio

I’ll be the “special” guest on MATTs Radio tonight from 6-8pm.

With guest host and secret lover, Brady Novak.

www.mattsradio.com

Toin it on.

Dec 14, 20092 notes
Track Listing For My New Passive Aggressive Country Album

1.  That’s Fine You Forget My Birthday (No One Remembers Anyone’s 46th)

2.  I’ll Just Watch My Stories (You Fellers Go To Town Without Me)

3.  Fine With Spendin’ Christmas Alone (JUST FINE!)

4.  I Don’t Even LIKE Dollyworld Anyway

5.  Don’t Worry About Me (I’ll Just Clean My Guns)

6.  It’s Okay, Pa’s Don’t NEED No Card On Their 47th

7.  Ice Cream Gives Me A Belly Ache (None For Me, Thank Ya)

8.  I’m Not Cryin’ I Just Don’t Feel Well

9.  Don’t Save Me None (I’ll Get Somethin’ On The Trail Home)

10.  I’m Used To Bein Lonesome

11.  Guess My Horses Don’t Love Me No More

Dec 13, 2009
The Pure Terror That I Felt

Yesterday evening, exhausted from work, paranoid and anxious due to my hangover and waiting on the subway platform, I was engaged by a large man filling the air with noxious filtered alcohol seeping from his person.

This was his approach, staring into my narrowed eyes, his own bulging from what I’ve seen as an effect of angel dust:

“Hey man.  Hey bro!  Hey…you remember Jeffrey Dahmer?!”

Yep.

“Yeah man, alot of people forgot about him.” (Closer, staring harder now)

C’mon.  Not today.

Then, the train arrived.  Someone else’s problem now.

-The End-

Dec 11, 2009
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Dec 2, 2009
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Dec 1, 2009
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