Gosh, you know what we at McDonald’s haven’t promoted lately? The Big Mac. Hmmm…what could we use as a tie in for an ad campaign? Hmmm….hmmm…hmmm..(drumming fingers on board room table)…hmmm…hmmm…
Got it! How could we have been so retardo! When you think “Big Mac”, the next logical step is to think of…THAT STUPID FUCKING BLUE PEOPLE IN ENDOR FOREST MOVIE!
Fuck yeah. Shit is perf, son. Ugly Ewok Smurfs is lovin it.
But what should we play the ads during?
I don’t know, football games, the real dumbshit housewives programs, fucking xtube porno, Dora the Explorer. Who gives a fuck. Sky’s the limit with this demo. Fucking advertise it on James Cameron’s asshole. Avatar and fast food sandwiches. Suck it TWO TIMES America!
I’ll be the “special” guest on MATTs Radio tonight from 6-8pm.
With guest host and secret lover, Brady Novak.
Toin it on.
1. That’s Fine You Forget My Birthday (No One Remembers Anyone’s 46th)
2. I’ll Just Watch My Stories (You Fellers Go To Town Without Me)
3. Fine With Spendin’ Christmas Alone (JUST FINE!)
4. I Don’t Even LIKE Dollyworld Anyway
5. Don’t Worry About Me (I’ll Just Clean My Guns)
6. It’s Okay, Pa’s Don’t NEED No Card On Their 47th
7. Ice Cream Gives Me A Belly Ache (None For Me, Thank Ya)
8. I’m Not Cryin’ I Just Don’t Feel Well
9. Don’t Save Me None (I’ll Get Somethin’ On The Trail Home)
10. I’m Used To Bein Lonesome
11. Guess My Horses Don’t Love Me No More
Yesterday evening, exhausted from work, paranoid and anxious due to my hangover and waiting on the subway platform, I was engaged by a large man filling the air with noxious filtered alcohol seeping from his person.
This was his approach, staring into my narrowed eyes, his own bulging from what I’ve seen as an effect of angel dust:
“Hey man. Hey bro! Hey…you remember Jeffrey Dahmer?!”
“Yeah man, alot of people forgot about him.” (Closer, staring harder now)
C’mon. Not today.
Then, the train arrived. Someone else’s problem now.