Month

October 2010

22 posts

Oct 31, 201010 notes
Midwestern Nightmares: Tony D

Tony D, a weathered ex-gangbanger in his late 30’s, finished the last of our mescal, worm and all.  He walked over to the stereo, placed in a cassette, and “Bad Company” came pouring out at top volume.  Without speaking, he sat down at the heavily damaged dining room table and viciously glared at me, subtly nodding his head, and filling my stomach with terror.  Air punches were to follow.  Everyone else had left the early gathering to get their highschool I.D. photos taken.

I finished my 40 of Big Bear malt liquor, smoked a bit of marijuana, and stumbled to my car.  It was almost 3pm and I had to get to my summer job working in produce at the grocery store.  Upon arrival, I immediately passed out for the duration of my shift inside of a watermelon crate.

4-hours later, I returned to the house to find it crawling with gin soaked maniacs.  My closest friend, Petey Nines, was slumped over in the bathtub, vomiting out some sort of black, tar-like substance that he assuredly hadn’t ingested.  We figured it was pure evil, accumulated from years of wrong doing.

Tony D sat alone in a corner chair, fiddling with his revolver as the foul stench of crack smoke wafted up from the basement.

Oct 26, 20102 notes
#Midwestern Nightmares
Play
Oct 25, 20102 notes
#Gentlemen Scumbags
Oct 22, 201022 notes
#Omar #The Wire #Pickles
Oct 21, 201013 notes
Oct 20, 20104 notes
#Vans #Purple #NO H8
Play
Oct 18, 20105 notes
#Gentlemen #Gentlemen Scumbags
Oct 18, 20104 notes
#Michael Myers #Halloween #Jack Benny
Oct 18, 201013 notes
#Eastbound & Down #Stevie #Kenny Powers
Play
Oct 17, 201017 notes
Oct 14, 201011 notes
#Paul Stanley #Star Child #KISS #Super Big Gulp #Dr. Pepper #7-Eleven
Alfred Explains Stand-up Comedy To A Burgeoning, Yet Frustrated, Comedian Bruce Wayne

Master Wayne, when some men start in comedy, if they’re funny, it’s like they’ve been placed in a room made of drywall, and told to break themselves out.  Sure, it’s difficult, but after a short while they prevail, and while breaking through the wall they think to themselves, “That wasn’t too hard, I can do this.”

However, on the other side of that room, they find a another room with walls, a ceiling, and a floor made of brick.  Now, some men, the one’s with their heads on straight, will retreat back through the hole from whence they came to find more comfortable successes.

But some men, some men, well, they just can’t wait to start pounding and scratching on that brick until their hands bleed to the bone.

Because they think of it as good sport. Because some men aren’t looking for anything logical, like money. Yes, some of them can be bought, bullied, reasoned, and negotiated with. But some of the men, just want to watch the world burn.

Oct 14, 201011 notes
#Alfred #Bruce Wayne #Stand-up #Comedy
Gentlemen Scumbags (My Podcast with Mike Burns) is Available For Free on iTunes → itunes.apple.com

You should subscribe so later you can say, “I was really into them before they went mainstream.  They kinda suck now.”

Oct 13, 20106 notes
#Gentlmen Scumbags
Oct 13, 201012 notes
#Meg Whitman #Bologna
Play
Oct 11, 20103 notes
#Gentlemen Scumbags
Oct 11, 20101 note
Oct 9, 201012 notes
Oct 6, 20101 note
#GPOYW #Curt Schilling #Lay off the booze Burns or this is you
Oct 5, 20104 notes
#American Apparel
Play
Oct 4, 20103 notes
#Gentlemen Scumbags
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