14 REASONS WHY I BELIEVE ALL STRAIGHT MEN SHOULD HAVE TO SUCK ANOTHER GUY’S DICK AT LEAST ONCE
1. You might like it, and think of all those dicks you could’ve enjoyed. Live life to the fullest! Doesn’t mean you’re gay. Remember when you didn’t think you’d like sushi? After you tried it you didn’t turn Japanese or anything. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
2. No assholes could call anyone a “fag” anymore.
A faggot? Oh really? Sure, I’m a proud homosexual man, but you sucked Darryl’s dick too, so let’s try to not be so offensive.
3. Think how much better you got at coaching hand jobs after you masturbated a whole bunch. Think you like blowjobs now? Well wait ‘til you’re callin’ plays like fucking Vince Lombardi!
4. It ain’t gonna hurt or nothin’.
5. Everyone’s autobiography would have another really interesting moment in it.
6. The world didn’t end when we found out that Barack Obama tried cocaine once. That’s way worse for you. And he turned out to be president!
7. Feel free to save it up for when you need a REALLY big favor. Or to get a promotion.
8. Don’t worry, no one’s gonna ask you to swallow. That’s some homo shit. Just let the guy shoot it all over your chest. It’s optional if you feel like rubbing it in. Be in the moment!
9. If you DON’T like it, now you know what your girlfriend feels like after you got lazy and started farting in front of her all the time. Let her get some sleep, you filthy animal.
10. Scientology might go out of business.
11. Chances are, you’re gonna get one out of it. Even if it’s from a guy, who cares. Free blowjob! Remember, mouths all feel the same, especially if you’re drunk and the lights are off.
12. Think how much funnier Eddie Murphy’s “Delirious” would’ve been if he did a bit that started with:
Remember the time you sucked another dude’s dick? That shit was crazy, man. See, none of the fellas in my neighborhood were really into the “straight men should suck another guys dick” movement, so I had to suck a WHITE dude’s dick. And he was all like, “Yeah, suck my dick nigger!” I told the motherfucka, “You lucky I ain’t Mr. T, or I’d be clampin’ my jaw down and bitin’ your dick off. Like, HRRRRRRR!!!”
13. If you were already gay, and just weren’t sure about it. Now, maybe you’ll have the courage to move on to other things you might enjoy, like getting fucked in the ass, or fucking another guy in the ass. Good on you! Just use lots of lube and be safe, you crazy kids.
14. You’ll find out who your REAL friends are. If they judge you, fuck ‘em. They weren’t your pal in the first place. But you should probably leave some room for a little good natured ribbing. After all, you did just suck somebody’s dick for the first time. And dicks, are hilarious.